C-Anne's Twigs

So many things to be grateful for:

All those small, medium and large business owners who have worked so hard to get businesses up and running, who have hired people, who have gone the extra mile to deliver good products, and who have paid taxes to help get our public services where they are today. Thank you Graham, Carol, Dan, Chris, and so many others.

And a special thank you to all the farmers, who we could not live without; and who are that special class of entrepreneurs whose whole business depends on the weather! Now there is courage! Especially in Alberta. Thank you Fraser, Nolan and all the farmers I know in the Peace. And thank you Wallace for your years infusion of vegitables.

A huge thank you to those who are keeping the heat and lights on, the water clean and running, the garbage taken away, and the sewage… well whatever you guys do with the sewage! Thanks all of you, and thank you Jeff!

And how about all those who are working in grocery stores and places that sell food? I love food! Thank you so much, your work is appreciated! Special thank to Mike, who just started a butcher shop, so food provider and entrepreneur!

Thank, thank you to all the guys who keep the roads open and running. What a thankless job – YOU ARE AMAZING. Especially in a place like Edmonton where the weather reeks havoc with roads – it seems so wrong that you are just constantly attacked for potholes and then when you work to fix them you are attacked for endless construction. What gives! Thanks so much for all of your work.

And a big thank you to the health care workers who keep us all up and running so that we can do the things we want to do, and create our lives and society in the way we want it created. This is the physio therapists, chiropractors, midwives, nurses and doctors, the massage therapists, the nutritionists, the lab tec people, the heart surgeons…. Thank you Laura, Wendy, Stephanie, Elise, William, Oksana….

Oh yes, and what about the artists, the writers, the painters, and musicians. You bring your soul to our lives, remind us who we really are and show us what we could possibly be. Thank you Jeana, Caroline, Amelia, Karen, Donna and all the other amazing artists in my life.

This could go on forever, and it most certainly will. I am so lucky that everyone I know is so important! So, THANK YOU, everyone I know, for what you are doing to keep us all moving forward!

What we are seeing is a massive evolution of lifestyle. Moment by moment Covid-19 ushers in change. There is no going back, there is no certainty as to what is ahead. Terrible, incredible, amazing and wonderful outcomes will become evident over the next days and months. Governments all over the world are scrambling to control what cannot be controlled. As usual, brilliant individuals are the ones who are casting light on the path forward. The artists are bringing sunshine to our days, scientists and inventors are accelerating research, children continue to play, and we learn how how to work in new ways.

Life goes on….

Aboard a zodiac on a scuba excursion in Kauai today we encountered a pod of small dolphins. It was incredible to watch them racing about, popping in and out of the water all around our boat.   The guide told us that dolphins live for pleasure, spending time with each other, playing dolphin games, and enjoying what the ocean gives them. He said that these dolphins are so social that in captivity they just let themselves sink to the botton of the tank and drown, basically committing suicide.

And that caused me to think about those suffering from mental illness. My son has suffered from mental illness for many years now. If he was a dolphin, he would have long ago sank to the bottom of his tank.

There is a huge focus to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness. There are many reasons for the stigma – but the biggest reason is there is no cure, only endless suffering. Mental illness is absolutely horrible for those who suffer with it. It is also horrible for those who love someone who is suffering with it. And it is often frightening to those who watch from the sidelines, disconnected from any meaningful contact with it.

I’m not even going to put a name to my son’s condition.  Through the years he has experienced sadness and sadness and more sadness.  So much sadness, feelings of  inadequacy and failure that he eventually went totally off the rails and created his own reality. He became the hero saving the world, and then  burned down a building to get rid of the evil spirits attacking him.  And because he was so wild and scarry he was treated with brutality by the police and health care workers as they tried to stop him before he reached the bridge, or after he lit the fire.  I’m not blaming them. They had to do what they had to do.

Once my son sported a black eye for six months from being hit during an arrest, he has been tasered and in the hospital he was drugged so heavily that for days that he was not able to get out a coherent sentence.

He has been on community treatement orders for several years now.  But let me say, there is no “community” in it. There are just regular visits to the doctor during which the types and amounts of drugs are adjusted and given by injection without his consultation.  Other than contact with the family, he has no friends and no other people to associate with. It breaks my heart.

The drugs themselves leave him feeling numb and emotionless. He is unable to work and not able to look after his own affair. Without the support of a loving family he would most certainly have been on the street by now. With no positive lasting change, I fear that it may yet come to that. Each episode brings deeper trauma, and no solutions.

We do need to get rid of the stigma regarding mental health, but just running a public relations campaign on it won’t work. We need real solutions and better care to help people get in control of their lives…. not just more drugs.

Piles of saved loose notes, scraps of writing, ideas and plans were recently pulled out of the cupboard where I have been hoarding them for years. I spread them all over my office floor, trying to find some logical system; and then I tripped on them for few weeks. This week I finally had a chance to do a bit of organizing – and then put them all back in the cupboard, in a bit more orderly fashion, after discarding only a few inches of the six foot stack of papers.

It was a quick glimpse through my whole life. Journals from my 10 year old self, endless list of plans for the future – now the past. For years I have carried Moleskine notebooks in my purse and jotted down interesting observations or “twigs” about life. These are my considerings through the years as I plunged through each day. These are the tiny bits of my life that I took note of, thinking some day they could be used as materiel for writing. 

It is hard to say what my notes could ever be used for. They served the purpose of calling attention to detail and articulating thoughts. They have strangly connected me to those around me, and to my inner thoughts.  But a lifetime of notes doesn’t serve anyting in the present except for recording what has brought me to the point I’m at today.  They provide a backdrop, but it is the noting, or writing, or creating of today that counts.

 

Went for a walk on the beach, Ronan and Zhara and I. We walked down to Rio Neuvelo, the site of an English and  Spanish war in the 1600s. The English won. Essentially the English outflanked the Spanish with about 600 soldiers. The Spanish fled – and this is how Jamaica came to be colonized – with 600 soldiers. Hard to believe. Such arrogance to believe that a country is yours when you win a war in just a few square miles. Anyway, I guess that is how it was.

We went onto the beach and walked along.  There was quite a bit of garbage; we picked up as much as would could.  We came to a little “cave”,  just a place where the water had washed out an inlet in the rocks and we decided to make a home.  The kids really got into it.  We set up house, a kitchen, a fence around our yard, and a path down to the road. I said “Lets sweep the leaves out of here; the ants seem to be coming from the dead leaves.”  Ronan said “I am the guard.”, I said “Well, let’s sweep the leaves”  He said “Guards don’t sweep.”

On the way down Ronan was telling me about all the animals in Jamaica.  He has incredible knowledge, he could tell the birds apart, recognized the nightingales and their songs.  I asked him how he knew so much about birds and he said “I have a bird book”  I thought to myself, I have a bird book, but I don’t seem to be able to recognize the different between most birds in my back yard.

I saw a frog, or thought I did.  Ronan said “ That is not common, not common at all, frogs come out at night.”  He told me all about Mongooses, and how they were imported and killed all the snakes in Jamaica.  I told him about a story I read about Mongoose in Africa.  He said “Mongoose don’t live in Africa.”  He was certain.  I later checked on the internet and found that they do live in Africa, predominantly in Africa.

Zhara started walking down the beach.  I followed her and finally caught up, I asked her where she was going, she said “Home.”  No need to check, leaving was just taking too long so she left.

We went to the Rio Neuevo river estuary and there we found a great place to paddle around.  Ronan caught minnows and Zhara and I went swimming.  We had a fabulous time.  Then we walked home

What a great day.