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I check on line for news, look at Facebook and check my e-mail several times a day. I am looking for some kind of news, but I haven’t figured out exactly what. It’s always disappointing, always the same sort of news from the regular media, a bunch of disasters, murders and mayhem. The social media is not very social, it seems to have turned into a egoic platform for anyone to try to convince others that their viewpoint is the right one. And we all know how that goes – try to tell someone they are wrong, and you’ll just get more resistance! Of course the nice part of social media is that there is some humour there, and some friends who are letting us know what they are doing to find pleasure in simple moments.

It’s all well and good, but why am I checking. What am I looking for I wonder, in this mindless ritual. I need to make my own news.

So I put the phone down this morning and looked outside. The weather is pretty mild, cloudy with a chance of sun later today. I noticed that the squirrels are sprinting along the top of fence while my pup is curled in my lap. The chickadees are still singing their sweet two or three note whistle and a lot of critters that are never seen leave track in the snow to let me know they have visited. The world really hasn’t changed much in spite of all the disaster the media reports.

The hairs prickled on the back of my neck. Exactly where the menace came from I couldn’t say, but I knew it was just a matter of seconds. I raced for the front door and got there just in time to see those creepy sagging grey eyes peering in, and then I slammed the door shut and twisted the lock. Having failed to catch the latch, the door flung open and I lurched back in terror, mouth wide open in a terrified scream. But not a sound came out. I tried again and again as I felt my foe advance, but not a squeak. Then I woke with a start in a cold sweat. It was just the same terrifying recurring dream.

Today I realized it’s source. My attempts at writing have been futile; I can’t find my voice. I can’t even seem to determine what I want to say! Or to whom! Instead of just continuing a voiceless scream, I’ve decided to just work slowly at getting a few little squeaks out!

January 7, 2012

Here is my Horoscope today:

“You are so far ahead of the pack that you may be starting to lap the stragglers. It’s a good time for you to step up and ensure that you know where you’re going, as this level of speed can’t be sustained forever.”

Wow, I love a horoscope like that. I wonder what I am so far ahead in! In any event, I have been thinking hard about where I’m going, and feel that I’m on the verge of a breakthrough. Oh the excitement of future possibilities!

January 11, 2021

I never published that Twig in 2012, and I still don’t really know where I’m going, but a lot has changed in the past 9 years; as is the way. I don’t usually look at horoscopes, but here it is for today:

“Today you are more likely to see the larger view of things, especially if you are planning ahead. You might see patterns and come up with insights that amaze others, especially bosses, parents, teachers and VIPs. This will help you organize your thoughts about the future.”

Wow, it is going to be another great day!!! I knew it!!

When my grandmother passed away, I somehow got the heating pad that she had. I don’t know how that came about, but I have had that heating pad since 1973, and it has been a good friend soothing sore spots, warming the bed when it felt cold, and easing the chills on cold winter nights. And each time I used that heating pad I thought of grannie. What a wonderful gift.

But the heating pad started to get old and I felt that it might not be safe any longer keeping me company through the night, so I just folded it up and put it on a shelf – only to be used for emergency comfort. Then yesterday when Laura and I decided to make yogurt the google recipe said that a heating pad would be good for the incubation of the culture. So wow – another use for my granny’s heating pad. We made yogurt, and it was wonderful; but the heating pad just couldn’t take it any more and that was it’s last job. Thanks grandma, if only I could let you know how much comfort you gave so many years after you left.

One of the few decorative objects in my living room is a twenty volume set of 1911 Grolier’s Book of Knowledge, The Children’s Encyclopedia.  After reading an article entitled “The History of the Universe”, in which the theory of the time was presented with incredible certainly, my big brother Wallace noted “Well, they knew more then than we know now.”

I’ve been dreaming a lot lately. One of my recurring dreams take place in large buildings with multiple rooms. Sometimes I am decorating rooms, sometimes hiding in them, sometimes trying to figure out what to use the room for. I only remember the tail end of this dream, but I was in one of these rooms last night. My sixty something self was talking to another sixty something woman (could it possibly also have been me?!!). She was bent over a box and holding it firmly in certain way. I was trying to convince her that it was alright to hold it differently, and indeed it was necessary at this point. She was resistant and didn’t want to change. I insisted that she allow it to be held another way, telling her that she can’t always have her own way. And then I woke up.

Yes, it was me talking to me. I do need to just let go of a number of things and accept life as it is presented – it can be held another way and all will indeed work out.