Author: C-Anne Robertson

Who am I to advise parents? I asked myself that a hundred times. It isn’t a feeling that I know all the answers, that is for sure. Indeed it feels at times that there aren’t really any answers and everyone must just feel their way thought it all.  Over the past 37 years I’ve raised four amazing kids and worked with thousands of parents. Every kid, and every parent presents a whole new scenario and the times change. But the fundamentals have never changed in all of that time, and so it may be worthwhile to examine just three core elements of parenting.

1. First of all, what is your main objective in raising a child? It is a good idea to define this and keep it in focus for all of your evaluations and decision making. All in all, you are most likely trying to raise a child who is able to live happily and independently. Of course there is a long list of virtues such as caring and honesty that you hope to imbue; but fundamentally you want your child to be able to gain independence and move forward with his own goals in life.
2. Secondly, you need to discover who your child is. A clear understanding of the person you are trying to help is necessary in any guidance situation. This takes clear observation, no tinted glasses… which is very difficult for loving parents. Listening and watching will provide you with the information you need. Unhurried time is essential.
3. Raising a child is all about your relationship with him or her. The better the relationship, the more you will be able to cooperate and collaborate.  The worse the relationship, the more authoritarian dicta will be used. Authoritarianism eventually lead to rebellion. Communication is the key, and so the art of parenting is really one of communication.

Good luck!

 

Throughout my life I have have been loath to exercise on machines; in rooms filled with sweaty people in contorted positions trying to get rid of fat, build muscle, or improve endurance. My days were filled with exercises of a different sort – the kind that just happened as you were trying to get things done. Carrying kids and groceries, up and down stairs with laundry at home or to see students or teachers at work. Hikes down long halls with kids in tow. Cleaning, moving furniture, playing, weeding gardens, shovelling…. There was an endless demand for the expense of energy; and stretching – sometimes I felt stretched so thin it seemed I would break!

But at 64 I have finally realized that that is no longer my life. Yes, I still do a lot of physical activities but that has been cut back considerably. I now understand that in order to stay fit for the next 30 years, I am going to have to actually “WORK OUT”. It has taken me several years, perhaps a decade, to get my head wrapped around this, but I think I finally got it!

A change of attitude makes all the difference. Yesterday I went to the gym, and this is what I saw. The City of Edmonton has done an incredible job of creating beautiful recreational facilities. At 9 in the morning, the Terwillegar Rec Center was pretty busy, and they didn’t look like a bunch of sweaty people doing useless motions to me. It looked like a new culture or an aeronautics program. OK, let me explain. The space was bright, open and well lit; like a dome building in the early sci-fi movies. There were lots of strange looking machines. Some people were watching movies as they worked away on them. Others were engaged in small classes to keep them moving, students were being toured through the building, and older people worked on their balance. There was weight lifting, swimming, youth playing basketball, mothers with strollers jogging in the gym, Tai Chi, and some skipping.  Child care was available, and were friendly spaces where you could meet with someone for coffee.

This is a new age, not just for me because I am 64 and need to work out, but because of a general cultural shift, a change in daily movement, due to a change in environment. There is a need for aeronautics training for the average person to feel healthy and whole. I loved exercising with with these people, who like me are working on improvement of their health.

Following the Thanksgiving dinner, it is our family’s tradition to take a few moments to each express our gratitude for something in our life. We all have so much to be grateful for, so many opportunities, so much abundance – compared to most of the world we live lives of luxury. This year the main theme was family; Arthur started the conversation by saying that he is grateful for family, in fact, he said it is the only thing he is grateful for. In their turn, along with other gratitudes, everyone added their gratitude for family.

Throughout the years my family has changed in so many ways. First there were two of us, then one by one we added those wonderful characters…. the children. Then the husband/father left (another story). The children went out to find their own way, knowing that they were welcome to come home at any time.  Before I knew it they were bringing home boyfriends or girlfriends, who in some cases became a part of the family, and then sometimes they left, not unloved and sometimes still in our thoughts. And then they started getting married, and getting dogs. I also found a new person to love and care for.

Family has nothing to do with time or distance. It is loosely started when two people decided to “be together”, but it doesn’t have anything to do with marriage bonds; and it isn’t all about blood relationships. It seems to me that family is those people brought into the “fold” by its members. It is an intimacy that exists due to a decision to accept each other as we are and to support each other to be who we want to be.

I am so grateful for my family as I find it on this day, Richard, Arthur and Kaldi, Jeana and Jason with Carols and Chloe, Gordon and Sakurako, and Laura and Wally. They are each amazing people with incredible abilities, dreams and hopes.  Each has his or her own quirks, buttons, issues, attitudes, or flashing points; but of the 7.5 billion people in the world, this is my family, and I love each one of them in their own way. We have common stories to share, and as we each plow through our years we bring new insights back to our family.  Each one of them has brought me such joy. They have at times been the source of anxiety and deep soul searching. They have enriched my life, helped me grow, made me cry and had me rolling in laughter. Family is unconditional love.

 

This morning it feels like I must get up and do battle with the evil forces of the world. The forces that dumb down the kids, the parents…. the forces that say only those “in the majority” have a right to say what the rest of us should say or not say, and thus what the rest of us should think. It seems an invisible enemy that wields the “socially acceptable” sword to silence anyone who does not agree. It is a force that shuts down the conversation, attacks any divergence in thought, and prevents intelligent discussion.  It attacks dissent to the “socially acceptable” as hatred, ignorance and intolerance – becoming exactly what that.

As I lay in bed before awakening completely, I feel a bit sad and vulnerable; but now that I am up with coffee and computer to hand…. I feel like taking it on. It is worth it. What is there to fight for; but freedom of mind and freedom to speak your mind.

And then, perhaps, it is really not about fighting, but about being willing to speak up, share and become more present. This battle has, after all, been going on for a very long time. I may be attacked, slandered, scowled at or made fun of…. but I won’t be burned at the stake.