Who am I to advise parents? I asked myself that a hundred times. It isn’t a feeling that I know all the answers, that is for sure. Indeed it feels at times that there aren’t really any answers and everyone must just feel their way thought it all. Over the past 37 years I’ve raised four amazing kids and worked with thousands of parents. Every kid, and every parent presents a whole new scenario and the times change. But the fundamentals have never changed in all of that time, and so it may be worthwhile to examine just three core elements of parenting.
- First of all, what is your main objective in raising a child? It is a good idea to define this and keep it in focus for all of your evaluations and decision making. All in all, you are most likely trying to raise a child who is able to live happily and independently. Of course there is a long list of virtues such as caring and honesty that you hope to imbue; but fundamentally you want your child to be able to gain independence and move forward with his own goals in life.
- Secondly, you need to discover who your child is. A clear understanding of the person you are trying to help is necessary in any guidance situation. This takes clear observation, no tinted glasses… which is very difficult for loving parents. Listening and watching will provide you with the information you need. Unhurried time is essential.
- Raising a child is all about your relationship with him or her. The better the relationship, the more you will be able to cooperate and collaborate. The worse the relationship, the more authoritarian dicta will be used. Authoritarianism eventually lead to rebellion. Communication is the key, and so the art of parenting is really one of communication.
Good luck!