Month: October 2018

Piles of saved loose notes, scraps of writing, ideas and plans were recently pulled out of the cupboard where I have been hoarding them for years. I spread them all over my office floor, trying to find some logical system; and then I tripped on them for few weeks. This week I finally had a chance to do a bit of organizing – and then put them all back in the cupboard, in a bit more orderly fashion, after discarding only a few inches of the six foot stack of papers.

It was a quick glimpse through my whole life. Journals from my 10 year old self, endless list of plans for the future – now the past. For years I have carried Moleskine notebooks in my purse and jotted down interesting observations or “twigs” about life. These are my considerings through the years as I plunged through each day. These are the tiny bits of my life that I took note of, thinking some day they could be used as materiel for writing. 

It is hard to say what my notes could ever be used for. They served the purpose of calling attention to detail and articulating thoughts. They have strangly connected me to those around me, and to my inner thoughts.  But a lifetime of notes doesn’t serve anyting in the present except for recording what has brought me to the point I’m at today.  They provide a backdrop, but it is the noting, or writing, or creating of today that counts.

 

Went for a walk on the beach, Ronan and Zhara and I. We walked down to Rio Neuvelo, the site of an English and  Spanish war in the 1600s. The English won. Essentially the English outflanked the Spanish with about 600 soldiers. The Spanish fled – and this is how Jamaica came to be colonized – with 600 soldiers. Hard to believe. Such arrogance to believe that a country is yours when you win a war in just a few square miles. Anyway, I guess that is how it was.

We went onto the beach and walked along.  There was quite a bit of garbage; we picked up as much as would could.  We came to a little “cave”,  just a place where the water had washed out an inlet in the rocks and we decided to make a home.  The kids really got into it.  We set up house, a kitchen, a fence around our yard, and a path down to the road. I said “Lets sweep the leaves out of here; the ants seem to be coming from the dead leaves.”  Ronan said “I am the guard.”, I said “Well, let’s sweep the leaves”  He said “Guards don’t sweep.”

On the way down Ronan was telling me about all the animals in Jamaica.  He has incredible knowledge, he could tell the birds apart, recognized the nightingales and their songs.  I asked him how he knew so much about birds and he said “I have a bird book”  I thought to myself, I have a bird book, but I don’t seem to be able to recognize the different between most birds in my back yard.

I saw a frog, or thought I did.  Ronan said “ That is not common, not common at all, frogs come out at night.”  He told me all about Mongooses, and how they were imported and killed all the snakes in Jamaica.  I told him about a story I read about Mongoose in Africa.  He said “Mongoose don’t live in Africa.”  He was certain.  I later checked on the internet and found that they do live in Africa, predominantly in Africa.

Zhara started walking down the beach.  I followed her and finally caught up, I asked her where she was going, she said “Home.”  No need to check, leaving was just taking too long so she left.

We went to the Rio Neuevo river estuary and there we found a great place to paddle around.  Ronan caught minnows and Zhara and I went swimming.  We had a fabulous time.  Then we walked home

What a great day.

 

Yesterday an article pointed out to me that retirement is a bigger change than getting married and having a family. Well, that certainly seems real to me. It is huge. So I decided to enter a new relationship just before retirement. And a couple of years into that we each retired! Wow, if one problem isn’t enough, get two!

So now at four in the morning I’m laying awake thinking….. what about? Nothing is specific, the thousands of things that didn’t get done at work before I left? No… not that. My mind is occupied with the millions of things that I want to learn about and do. Travelling and  holidaying on beach are a part of it, but not my main focus. What I want to do is be better at building relationships, be able to speak more deliberately and clearly, learn to play squash, pickleball, and dance, walk the valley in each of the seasons, become a writer, a photographer and videographer, learn a second language, dig about in the yard growing things, pick berries, make preserves, cook exotic meals, indulge in fine fare, put photo albums together, decorate the house, and create a warm and inviting atmosphere in which family and friends will feel welcome. I want to learn how to use technology effectively, how to tell stories, to collect stories from others, and to enjoy doing each of the things I do.

I never think of money that will be needed to do anything. I just feel that the means will be there if the desire is. This may be an optimistic view, but somehow it has worked for me up to this point. A part of that may be that I often try to make do with what I have and just improve things from there. I have never thought of my projects and interests as work, but as activities that bring joy to my day.

And now that I have time to do these things, I am exploding with excitement to actually do them.  This is renewal for me, time to be creative. Perhaps when we have a society that is more automated and requires less work time from each of the citizens, we can explode the world with creativity. Nice!

October 23, 2018

Who am I to advise parents? I asked myself that a hundred times. It isn’t a feeling that I know all the answers, that is for sure. Indeed it feels at times that there aren’t really any answers and everyone must just feel their way thought it all.  Over the past 37 years I’ve raised four amazing kids and worked with thousands of parents. Every kid, and every parent presents a whole new scenario and the times change. But the fundamentals have never changed in all of that time, and so it may be worthwhile to examine just three core elements of parenting.

1. First of all, what is your main objective in raising a child? It is a good idea to define this and keep it in focus for all of your evaluations and decision making. All in all, you are most likely trying to raise a child who is able to live happily and independently. Of course there is a long list of virtues such as caring and honesty that you hope to imbue; but fundamentally you want your child to be able to gain independence and move forward with his own goals in life.
2. Secondly, you need to discover who your child is. A clear understanding of the person you are trying to help is necessary in any guidance situation. This takes clear observation, no tinted glasses… which is very difficult for loving parents. Listening and watching will provide you with the information you need. Unhurried time is essential.
3. Raising a child is all about your relationship with him or her. The better the relationship, the more you will be able to cooperate and collaborate.  The worse the relationship, the more authoritarian dicta will be used. Authoritarianism eventually lead to rebellion. Communication is the key, and so the art of parenting is really one of communication.

Good luck!

 

Throughout my life I have have been loath to exercise on machines; in rooms filled with sweaty people in contorted positions trying to get rid of fat, build muscle, or improve endurance. My days were filled with exercises of a different sort – the kind that just happened as you were trying to get things done. Carrying kids and groceries, up and down stairs with laundry at home or to see students or teachers at work. Hikes down long halls with kids in tow. Cleaning, moving furniture, playing, weeding gardens, shovelling…. There was an endless demand for the expense of energy; and stretching – sometimes I felt stretched so thin it seemed I would break!

But at 64 I have finally realized that that is no longer my life. Yes, I still do a lot of physical activities but that has been cut back considerably. I now understand that in order to stay fit for the next 30 years, I am going to have to actually “WORK OUT”. It has taken me several years, perhaps a decade, to get my head wrapped around this, but I think I finally got it!

A change of attitude makes all the difference. Yesterday I went to the gym, and this is what I saw. The City of Edmonton has done an incredible job of creating beautiful recreational facilities. At 9 in the morning, the Terwillegar Rec Center was pretty busy, and they didn’t look like a bunch of sweaty people doing useless motions to me. It looked like a new culture or an aeronautics program. OK, let me explain. The space was bright, open and well lit; like a dome building in the early sci-fi movies. There were lots of strange looking machines. Some people were watching movies as they worked away on them. Others were engaged in small classes to keep them moving, students were being toured through the building, and older people worked on their balance. There was weight lifting, swimming, youth playing basketball, mothers with strollers jogging in the gym, Tai Chi, and some skipping.  Child care was available, and were friendly spaces where you could meet with someone for coffee.

This is a new age, not just for me because I am 64 and need to work out, but because of a general cultural shift, a change in daily movement, due to a change in environment. There is a need for aeronautics training for the average person to feel healthy and whole. I loved exercising with with these people, who like me are working on improvement of their health.

Following the Thanksgiving dinner, it is our family’s tradition to take a few moments to each express our gratitude for something in our life. We all have so much to be grateful for, so many opportunities, so much abundance – compared to most of the world we live lives of luxury. This year the main theme was family; Arthur started the conversation by saying that he is grateful for family, in fact, he said it is the only thing he is grateful for. In their turn, along with other gratitudes, everyone added their gratitude for family.

Throughout the years my family has changed in so many ways. First there were two of us, then one by one we added those wonderful characters…. the children. Then the husband/father left (another story). The children went out to find their own way, knowing that they were welcome to come home at any time.  Before I knew it they were bringing home boyfriends or girlfriends, who in some cases became a part of the family, and then sometimes they left, not unloved and sometimes still in our thoughts. And then they started getting married, and getting dogs. I also found a new person to love and care for.

Family has nothing to do with time or distance. It is loosely started when two people decided to “be together”, but it doesn’t have anything to do with marriage bonds; and it isn’t all about blood relationships. It seems to me that family is those people brought into the “fold” by its members. It is an intimacy that exists due to a decision to accept each other as we are and to support each other to be who we want to be.

I am so grateful for my family as I find it on this day, Richard, Arthur and Kaldi, Jeana and Jason with Carols and Chloe, Gordon and Sakurako, and Laura and Wally. They are each amazing people with incredible abilities, dreams and hopes.  Each has his or her own quirks, buttons, issues, attitudes, or flashing points; but of the 7.5 billion people in the world, this is my family, and I love each one of them in their own way. We have common stories to share, and as we each plow through our years we bring new insights back to our family.  Each one of them has brought me such joy. They have at times been the source of anxiety and deep soul searching. They have enriched my life, helped me grow, made me cry and had me rolling in laughter. Family is unconditional love.